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it's almost a year and i'm going nowhere. i want to give up but i can't because i know i'll hurt my parents, my family, if i do it and i really don't wanna do that. so i'm still trying, praying and waiting. trying, praying and waiting. like there's no ending, no result. i feel like i'm trying in vain. i know there'll be surprise in the end but the time's not now. now is not my time. but i feel like i can't wait any longer and there's nothing i can do except trying, praying and waiting. last week i watched a talk-show about people surviving from disease and those people were so strong, they didn't give up trying to survive because they knew if they gave up, they'd hurt their family and friends who love them. and they thanked to god even they were given-mmm-'a gift.' so i feel i supposed to do the same like them, thank god for giving me this. becuse from this, i've learned so much things to make me act like a adult, to make me mature, to make me know how to overcome my problems by myself. i admitted that there're some times where i did want to give up. i don't want to do that process again. but now i know how to make myself in a good-mood.